


Not Broken or Alone

by crazygirlne



Series: Pride Month Collection [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Asexual Natasha Romanov, Friendship, Gen, discussion of sexuality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-01
Updated: 2019-06-01
Packaged: 2020-04-06 02:32:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19053460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crazygirlne/pseuds/crazygirlne
Summary: Steve and Natasha take refuge together in the middle of a mission.  When Natasha seems agitated, Steve tries to help. He's surprised at what's bothering her.





	Not Broken or Alone

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to my Pride Month fics! I haven’t gotten many prompts (please send them if you’re interested! Some info [here](https://captainwhogotthecanary.tumblr.com/post/185212010019/pride-month)), but I’ve got some fics and pairings I’ve been wanting to work with for a while now, so there will be somewhere between 5 and 30 fics of varying length, depending how everything goes. Not everything I’m posting this month will be for Pride, since I did already have some stuff written and ready to post. 
> 
> For this first one, @ice-magician prompted, “someone struggling with the reality that they’re Ace (and feeling like they’re broken). Friendship between Cap and Natasha(Ace)?” 
> 
> Established romantic relationships or their lack left intentionally vague; imagine what you will, I ship almost everyone and brotp them just as hard. Civil War didn’t happen the way we saw it, the team is all still together, and there’s been no snap or anything that follows.

Steve and Natasha have been holed up together plenty times. He usually works with Bucky, and she works with Clint more frequently than not. Steve and Natasha probably work together next most often, though. They trust each other, as much as anyone in their situations can, and Nat kicks so much ass.

Also, if Steve’s being honest, she’s sometimes a lot more comfortable to work with than even Bucky. Bucky is his partner; Natasha is his friend. 

Steve likes to think Natasha’s usually pretty relaxed around him, too, when it’s just the two of them. Tonight, though, in this dingy hotel room with its twin beds that’ve seen better days, she isn’t relaxed at all. She’s  _ pacing, _ and the fact that she’s agitated enough to let it show when it isn’t for some sort of advantage says quite a lot, despite her silence.

Steve lets it go for a few minutes. Finally, making sure none of his concern reaches his voice, he tries, “Everything okay, Nat?” 

“Fine,” she mutters. She paces the length of the room a couple more times, Steve tracking her movement from where he sits on his bed, until she comes to a sudden stop and spins to face him. “What’s wrong with me?”

Steve blinks. “What?”

“What’s  _ wrong _ with me?” she asks again.

His eyes sweep over her body, reflexively checking his teammate for signs of illness or injury. “I don’t… Are you hurt?”

She scowls like only Natasha can, the slightest tightening of her features that immediately conveys a desire to remove body parts from where they normally belong. “I’m fine.” She resumes pacing, and Steve stands, hands out in the universal “I’m not a threat” gesture. 

“I’m happy to help,” he says, “or listen, or back off, whatever you need, but you’ve gotta give me a little more than that to work with, here.”

There’s little enough spare room that he has to cross his arms to keep her from having to dodge his hands on her next trip past him, but when she gets back to her bed, she sits. It’s still graceful—it’s Natasha, after all, and he’s not convinced there’s anything she does without grace—but the movement is a lot more rough and defeated than he’s used to seeing from her. He sits on his bed so he’s facing her, though with her elbows on her knees and her head hanging, he can’t actually see her face.

“Talk to me, Nat,” he prompts gently.

Then he waits.

Her words, when they come, are calm and quiet. “I’m not attracted to anyone. I don’t think I’m capable of it.” 

“Alright,” Steve says carefully. “And that makes you feel like something’s wrong with you?”

Natasha lifts her head enough to glare at him. “I can’t feel attraction like normal people. I want to, and I can pretend to, but I can’t do it. How is that  _ not _ something being wrong with me?”

Steve sorts through possible responses. He’s always been against bullies, always, so naturally he put some effort into learning about bullied populations, after he got out of the ice, and he knows how important this conversation might be, how big it is that she’s even willing to have it with him. He'd done research online and even gone to a local LGBT community center to make sure he had the tools to stand up against the bullied in this particular fight.

“It’s normal to be upset,” he says, “if you want something you can’t have. That’s totally justified. But not feeling sexual attraction, if that’s what we’re talking about here, that’s normal, too. It doesn’t mean anything’s wrong with you.”

“I’m  _ broken, _ Steve.” Natasha’s trembling with the force of her emotion, and if Steve thought it would help at all, he’d have his arms around her in a second. “The Red Room broke me.”

“Maybe it did,” he allows. “They did some pretty messed up stuff. But maybe your sexuality isn’t something that’s broken. Maybe you would’ve felt like this no matter what. Nothing is wrong with you, Natasha.” He hesitates, then moves to sit next to her, not quite touching, but close. “You’re amazing, Nat, and one of the strongest people I know. Anyone who would think any less of you based on who you are or aren’t attracted to doesn’t deserve to be in your life.”

Natasha is looking down at the floor again. “It doesn’t feel that way.”

“I know.” It seems like the right thing to say. He considers what he's read and what he's heard. “Have you looked into asexuality?”

“For people? Not really.” She sniffs, clearly gathering herself. “Is that what you think I am?”

“Maybe.” Steve watches her for a reaction, but she’s thinking too hard to give one. “Look into it, once we’re not stuck here without internet. Only you can decide whether that’s the label that fits you and whether you want to claim it, but it sounds like it’s probably right. At the very least, it’s similar enough that maybe you won’t feel so much like you’re the only one who doesn’t get attraction.”

He leans over just far enough to bump her shoulder with his. “In the meantime, I know it can be hard, but try to be nice to yourself. It’s not something you can help, and it’s not something you need to fix. Would you treat someone else like they’re broken because of something like that?”

Steve waits for the slow shake of her head before he speaks again. “So try and cut yourself some slack. You’re not broken. Tell yourself that until you believe it, and I can tell you as often as you want me to, if it helps.”

She nods, and he can tell she’s still deep in thought. She doesn’t look distressed anymore so much as distracted.

“I’m gonna go see if the shower’s functional and give you a few minutes,” Steve says. “We can talk more after, if you want, or we can let it drop. I’ll follow your lead.” He stands.

Her hand snaps out and grabs the cuff of his sleeve, the movement too fast for him to follow. “Steve,” she says, looking up at him, her eyes full of emotion he can’t interpret. He thinks there’s less self-loathing now, at least. “Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it.” Steve waits until she lets go before he heads to the bathroom, looking back once to make sure she seems alright.

Natasha’s hands are curled into fists in her lap, and her shoulders are hunched and tense, but the corners of her mouth are pulling up into the tiniest of smiles. She’s not okay yet, maybe, but she’ll get there.

And Steve will do anything he can to help.

**Author's Note:**

> This prompt hits pretty close to home for me, because I grew up feeling broken when it comes to my (lack of) objective attraction to guys, and I IDed as Demi/gray-A for a while, and still do when it comes to guys. This is neither apology nor brag; simply keep in mind that this is the lens through which I interpret character emotion and motivation. This doesn’t mean Nat’s experience matches mine, and it doesn’t mean it’ll match yours. It’s just one exploration of an Ace character.
> 
> Thank you to the lovely folks who read over this for me. I love you!


End file.
